Being Vulnerable Sucks
Updated: Jan 10, 2020
Happy 2020! Does this mean 20's fashion, dancing, and music are coming back in-style? I can only hope! I love being a great gatsby dj! Hire me already! Haha!
2019 was the year of vulnerability. What is vulnerability? A friend recently posted this: Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It's having the courage to show up when you can't control the outcome. The definition of vulnerability is dj life to a T!
Here's a specific example of a scenario that happened. I was djing an event and extremely
nervous about performing (as usual, LOL). I expressed this vulnerability to a colleague: "I'm freaking out about this dj performance! How are you so calm?!?! Teach me! Help me!" The response: "Well, it's my job so I have to be."
........Okkurrrr.....so now I feel stupid for expressing myself and wish I could go hide under a rock! Have you ever felt this way or is it just me??? Have you ever shared a weakness or vulnerability and then get looked at like you're a weirdo? Welcome to my life! As a female dj in a competitive, male-dominated industry, I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform to perfection and please everyone. It's not possible, I know. And I always want to be able to control every situation. Also not possible, I know. But here I am.
Can you relate to vulnerability in areas of your life - dating, performing, sales? In 2019, I watched Brene Brown on Netflix (highly recommend her Netflix show). I also obsessively listened to Elizabeth Gilbert's (author of Eat, Pray, Love) masterclass on the CALM app called, "Creative Living Beyond Fear" (also highly recommend). The result? I chose to step into curiosity instead of give-in to fear. I chose to share my vulnerabilities with whomever I was conversing with. And you know what? It sucked.
Vulnerability sucks ass. So there you have it! I discovered that people would judge me & my vulnerability instead of going deeper with the conversation. I would get brushed-off. I was seen as weak - but even if I wasn't - I definitely felt that way. Stepping into all the things that scare me made me explore avenues of anxiety management and coping mechanisms.
Vulnerability is the worst feeling EVER. I hate it. I haven't overcome it yet....and maybe one never does? But you know what positivity came out of it? CONFIDENCE. EXPERIENCE. EMPOWERMENT. Aaaand it taught me a lot and continues to teach me!
Maybe a better response to someone sharing their vulnerabilities is to ask, "How can I help?" That will be a goal of mine this year. Instead of turning the conversation to make it about myself or trying to fix someone with what I think is the best solution because I'm some self-proclaimed expert....shrug..... I shall challenge myself to ask, "How can I help?" And I challenge you to do the same.
2020, I will continue to explore vulnerability. However, my new word for the year is SURRENDER. Let's surrender to the journey life is taking us on. Honestly, we can't control much anyway. We certainly can't control other people even though sometimes we wish we could! Let's embrace the adventure, both good and bad, and find gratitude in the pain. This year, I will wave the white flag on all my limiting thoughts and beliefs, because I am loved. I am valued. I am needed. I am enough. I am worthy. And guess what? So are you.